Stop Blaming and Start Claiming!
Stop Blaming and Start Claiming…..
Why I Threw Away My Picture Perfect Life in search of Pleasure!
For many years I was small, unhappy, fractional… I tried everything to make myself happy. I moved every year thinking that the next town, loft in the city or along the north shore, would be the ‘right one.’ I threw myself into a human resources career. I went out with friends partying. I bought luxury designer things. I got pregnant. I stayed home and had kids. I traveled around the world with my then husband. He went to school and worked to make a ‘better life’ for us earning more money so we could have more things to make us happy. I escaped with my kids for weeks on end to California to see family. I took yoga classes, meditation classes. Went to country clubs and joined organizations… briefly. I tried EVERYTHING I could to make happiness appear… all the boxes for a happy life were undeniably checked off!
The truth is that none of these distractions made a bit of difference in my true happiness. None of these things were the life I truly desired and at the root of it… was not even knowing what I did desire!
Throwing away that picture perfect life… When I finally faced the truth that the most integral relationship in my life, my marriage, could not be the partnership I desired and needed, I was deeply saddened. There was virtually no pleasure in the relationship. It was stable, safe, easy. I had kind of always known but I had resisted looking into the shadows for fear of what lurked there… the truth and big, gigantic whole life change. I had people tell me point blank to just have an affair. That I wouldn’t find anyone else who ‘treated me as well as he did.’ The friendly advice warning me not to leave my marriage went on and on. Most of it was well intended… all of it encouraged the massive amount of guilt I felt for not wanting this supposedly perfect relationship.
What finally got me out?! It was Shakti… power, strength, cosmic primordial energy. It was Ganesha, the great elephant god thundering in and destroying all obstacles. It was me seeing and listening deeply to Self, opening my voice, and listening to my deepest desires. It was realizing that I am worthy of the wildest pleasures and I can have exactly what I desire… without needing to feel guilty!
The Second Chakra, Svadhistana, or sweetness, is our house of Desire. As the second chakra to develop in the area of our sacrum (between the pubic bone and naval) around age 2 or 3, Svadhistana is all about feelings, likes, dislikes and beginnings of true relationship with our inner circle. We learn that certain things are pleasurable and others are not. We also learn to seek pleasure with very little self-awareness. In relentlessly seeking what we desire, we are often shut down and shamed. Society is well intentioned here, don’t get me wrong. But we quickly learn the shadow of pleasure… guilt.
So…. How to become firmly in tune with desire and ease feelings of guilt, tapping into your self-worth and your primal right to experience pleasure?
Stepping on the mat to practice this kundalini kriya for the sacral chakra. Take a narrow first position with the toes turned slightly outward (think Charlie Chaplin feet). Come into a forward fold with the hands on blocks. Exhale all the air out and draw the chin gently into the throat. As you inhale, lower the sit bones down to your heels and let the knees open, bowing out, gently lifting the chin at the top of the inhale. As you begin to exhale come back into the forward fold… inhale lower the hips… move through 10 to 20 rounds, slowly increasing your speed. You can also let the blocks go if you feel steady and able to reach the floor. End in a forward fold with hands and feet flat on the earth and let the breath steady and slow down. This should feel exhilarating, energizing and very pleasurable. If you tend to feel guilty, you may experience feelings of unsteadiness here. Keep at it. Just be curious. Open up to the rush intense pleasure!
In meditation use the mantra “pleasure/guilt.” Inhale pleasure, exhale guilt. Aim your breath into the sacrum inviting pleasurable sensations and releasing tension. Begin to notice what you desire. What a life full of pleasure looks like for you. You may notice feelings of guilt or shame. It may be worth exploring to understand what experiences have created your guilt. You may even hear a voice shaming you. Take a moment to journal and release the feelings of shame and not being worthy. Exhale and usher them away. Affirm ‘I am deeply worthy of that which I desire. I actively seek and create pleasure in my daily life.’ After meditation, take pen to paper and write about or draw what came up in your meditative picture of the life you desire! It may not happen in your first session… let the picture slowly develop and notice how amazing it feels to manifest a life of exhilarating pleasure!
Interested in creating the life you truly Desire?! Let’s begin the work together! firstname.lastname@example.org
Peace, Gratitude and Big Love!